Lady Gaga is opening up about the lasting pain and trauma she’s endured from being raped as a teenager and getting pregnant at 19, sparking a “psychotic” episode.
She told her story in an emotional interview for the premiere of Oprah and Prince Harry’s new docuseries, “The Me You Can’t See,” which was created with the intent to tackle the stigma around mental health, CNN reports.
Lady Gaga tearfully recounted the moment an unnamed producer demanded she take her clothes off before threatening to burn her music.
“I was 19 years old, and I was working in the business, and a producer said to me, ‘Take your clothes off,’” she said. “And I said no. And I left, and they told me they were going to burn all my music. And they didn’t stop. They didn’t stop asking me, and then I just froze and I just … I don’t even remember.”
Lady Gaga said she won’t be naming her alleged attacker.
“I understand this #Metoo movement, I understand that some others feel really comfortable with this, and I do not, I do not ever want to face that person again. This system is so abusive, it’s so dangerous.”
Years later, Lady Gaga said she was diagnosed with PTSD after going to the hospital for chronic pain. She first went public with her diagnosis in 2016.
“First, I felt full-on pain, then I went numb. Then I was sick for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks after,” she explained. “And I realized it was the same pain I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on the corner, at my parents’ house, because I was vomiting, and sick. Because I’d been being abused, I was locked away in a studio for months.”
“The way that I feel when I feel pain is how I felt after I was raped,” she said. “I’ve had so many MRIs and scans. They don’t find nothing, but your body remembers.”
All of her trauma and suffering lead to a full on breakdown, which she said took years to recover from.
“I had a total psychotic break, and for a couple years, I was not the same girl,” she said.
If you recall, during that period — which was around 2018 to 2019 — she canceled a string of concert dates on her Joanne World Tour.
She added that she considered self-harm to cope with the pain.
“It’s a really very real thing to feel like there’s a black cloud following you wherever you go, telling you that you’re worthless and should die. And I used to scream and throw myself against the wall,” Lady Gaga said. “You know why it’s not good to cut? You know why it’s not good to throw yourself against the wall? You know why it’s not good to self-harm? Because it makes you feel worse. You think you’re going to feel better because you’re showing somebody, ‘Hey, look, I’m in pain.’ It doesn’t help. I always tell people ‘Tell somebody, don’t show somebody.’”
At 35, Lady Gaga said her process of healing involves acknowledging that experience instead of “locking it away and faking it.”
Our prayers go out to Lady Gaga as she continues to heal.
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